Day 1 of Being a Foster Parent
The last three hours had been pure chaos in my mind. What size pajamas do I get, what kind of snacks will she like, will she still need a pacifier, what if the Hello Kitty clothes I picked aren’t her thing…Jamie, stop, she’s 3. Everything girly is going to be her thing.
We finally got the call from her CPS caseworker that they were 30 minutes out. Sheer panic washed over me as I ran around the house tidying up, praying, trying not to sweat profusely, praying, and dusting. 45 minutes later, she arrived.
Mrs. Caseworker, 10 year old brother, and “P” stood at my door entrance. She immediately shied into her brother’s protective arms and started crying. Crying for her mother who she hadn’t seen in over a week. They taught us this in our training, but I wasn’t quite prepared for it. The power of the mother figure, absent or not, in a child’s life is like the strongest magnet on earth. Sometimes leaving the ‘victims’ broken and in ruins.
Mrs. Caseworker quickly distracted her with bribes to call Mom if we got through the adult talk. This calmed her down and we took a tour of the house. “P” was pretty verbal in a quiet controlled way even having just met me. I said, “here is the bathroom if you need to go potty.” She responded, “I don’t want to go in that bathroom.” I said, “here is your bed”, and she fired back, “I don’t want a bed.” We finished our tour and she, brother, and our kids sat down to watch Rio.
After about an hour of paperwork at the kitchen table with the kids in the living room watching Rio, Jason had gotten up to check on something. As he looked into the living room, he saw Bethany (our oldest daughter) who was sitting on one couch give a small wave across the room to “P”. A tiny wave was reciprocated…Jason was captivated.
Moments later, Bethany was able to encourage “P” to play girly things in her room. They colored, read books, played with dolls, and entertained themselves by taking goofy pictures on Photobooth.
When our paperwork stint with Mrs. Caseworker was almost wrapped up at 11 PM, I asked big brother if he’d come help me get her pajamas on and teeth brushed for bed. I wanted him to have some final time with her before he left, and I wanted her to know that we still did routine things in our home even when we might be sad.
Enter Foster Parent Fail #1: I grabbed a wooden stool from Bethany’s room and in the process noticed that one of the legs was wobbly and falling off. Sensibly I thought that I’d stand right by her while she stood on the stool to brush her teeth. My plan was flawless until I had to step away for something and forgot all about the wobbly leg. “P” wiggled a bit and came toppling down. Big brother was right there to witness it all. It didn’t help my nerves knowing that the emergency removal was due to neglectful behavior by their previous foster home. I just knew he was watching my every move.
Enter Foster Parent Fail #2: We all recovered from the stool incident with me showing big brother a phony ‘I meant for that to happen’ face. I looked in P’s toiletry bag to find a small Princess toothpaste. I put it on her toothbrush and handed it to her, as it was clear she didn’t want me doing it yet. She just stood there staring at the paste. Big brother was still standing beside her being very smiley and supportive. I wasn’t sure why she wasn’t doing anything until brother said, “I think that’s soap you put on there.” I looked down at the bottle and sure enough it read, “Tear free, 3-in-1 body soap, shampoo, and conditioner.” Holy Cow! Did I really just do that in front of big brother who already knew when to tell CPS things weren’t right in a home. Oh I giddily laughed it off and quickly washed the SOAP off while changing the subject to something like stuffed animals and jumping on the trampoline.
We got her into bed and read a story together before P finally fell asleep with big brother by her side. It was the best ending to yet another day of being uprooted for this tiny human.
She was safe. She was warm. And she was loved. And thus began the storyline “…I’ll love you from right here.”
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